Writing Through The Darkness with Corey Croft

Corey Croft

Pretty good. Thank you for asking. And just enjoying a nice balmy eight degrees with, pretty, pretty, pretty strong current of rain out there in Vancouver. Very nice.

Corey Croft

So right now, I, independent author, I have a new book coming out called France Versus Brazil 98, which is a, It's a hard one to describe. I'd call it, it's a literary fiction, definitely, with an existential slant. So my look at every book that I kind of make has these different influences about it and just kind of whatever speaks to you at the time, however the book wants to be written. So I would liken it to something about like Cameroon or like Sartre, like in that vein of pondering existence, finding meaning, driving purpose. So that comes out January 20th. It's a novella. It's not too scary, not too big. And that's coming out under Fly Pelican Press, which is that little boutique if you want to call a publishing house.

Corey Croft

Sure. So the best book to buy them, the best place I always try to funnel people, unfortunately, is, Amazon, because they have the best algorithms. They have the print on demand. You can do, like a very it's quite easy to navigate and and not too expensive on the, on the consumer. And also they get a little jealous when you try and sell ebooks through other ways. So its e-book is exclusively on Amazon. The print is available in different places. Okay. To find out about me, there's two main ways. There's my website, which is Corey Croft, author.com. And that's kind of going to have some poetry, some information about my other books and just some, you know, cute little, you know, paragraphs about the author and company and then, same name. Corey Croft, author. That's my Instagram account. And that's where I do most of my, that's what I do exclusively on my social media.

Corey Croft

Well, that's the one. So I was working with a guy like a pal of mine back in the day. He's like, oh, you got to get on this Instagram thing. And I was like, I think I have an account. And it was just like some pictures of, like, just random nonsense. I didn't really understand it. So I went with that one. And then I don't understand Facebook. I haven't used it for years. I know my stuff uploads there, but like, it's it's over my head and TikTok. I spent like, like a few hot seconds and upload stuff there. And it was a whole it was I that's it was one of those few moments when you kind of, you know, sit back and go, oh, I'm old. Yeah. Or like, just not cool or not help, you know what I mean? So I just kids get off my lawn. Yeah. So and I have about the, the time and almost the energy to focus on one thing and that's the one is I can otherwise like I can lose my head, I don't yeah. It's fair. It's totally fair.

Corey Croft

Okay, well, the I would say, like, the, the genesis of, like, wanting to write came when I was in undergrad and I had, I would just get random ideas and, and then I would think, oh, you know, that'd be cool. I should write a book one day when I have time. When I have time. Yeah. And I'd get these ideas and I never write them down, but, you know, like, you're in university age, your undergrad age cycle. So I'm brilliant. I'm like, I'm, we're I'm one of the people is going to change the world. I didn't necessarily think that. But the first part of that. So I was like, when I have time and then the ideas would keep coming and then I would just be like, when I have time, when I have time. And I realized, one day when I was, on a day off when I was just kind of like digesting lunch, watching probably YouTube, that you always have time. You just have to make it like what I'm doing right now, just sitting down, doing nothing. That's time. What am I doing? It was time on the couch. Is time anything you can convert into usable time? Yeah. So that coincided with a real, I guess, like a point of difficulty in my life. Like a lot of depression and anxiety, to the point where, like, I therapy was becoming cool, like it was this thing that it wasn't just like, you know, people with straitjackets were given with a clipboard. So the girl, the woman I was dating at the time, she's like, well, maybe you should go talk to somebody, you know? And and I went, that's a different way of saying like, can you stop bothering me with this? Can you go to somebody else who you're painted like, listen to you. Right. So I go to a couple therapist because they're like, oh, the first one's free. And I realized like, oh, they're just going to start asking me about my childhood, right? Like, no, I don't admire the problem now. So what is that going to do? So yeah, I, I saw that it was International Writing Month, last month, and I was like, you know, it's then like the goal was, it was just like a weird ad and like on a, on a on a board with a couple tax. And I looked at as a thousand right, a thousand words a day for a month. It's not like NaNoWriMo. Or is that it is just like on a community bulletin board. And I was just kind of like letting my eyes, you know, like those old, 3D pictures. You just like your eyes, spirit and stuff. It was kind of like that. I think I was just, like, wandering the halls of some community center. Some could ghost and so I just looked. Then I was like, that's a really that's a I could do that. Like, that's a good way to get started in those stories you always had. And I did and like, I sat down to do it the first time and I had nothing, nothing. I was like, well, come on, smart guy. This is years removed. And a lot of like, you know, the color, the color Jade really being, you know, you know, painted on my soul. So I was like, I need community. I can't do nothing. But then I made myself do the thousand words and they got easier and easier every day to the point where, like, I just stopped myself and I started noticing as time went on. Like the first book that I wrote is not the first book that was published, but it ended up becoming a novel and one that I really love because I just saw it. Instead of like, talking to a therapist, I just started writing things and then I this is where, you know, actual like that. I think something special in you comes out where it's like, this isn't just like a bunch of, like, pissing and moaning or just like some, you know, guys screaming at clouds. This is like something that I can make and use a narrative to, you know, wrap around to maybe cocoon to entomb, and then we're going to let something beautiful out as the story progresses. So I spent a lot of time working on that. So I had a lot of errors. It was like hundreds of thousands of words and then pared down to like maybe 100,001 20. But it was a good learning experience. And so writing for me became therapy, I suppose, say, and I can see that my I know I can few the differences in my personality in my day to day life, not even just the fact that I now isolate moments of the day to write, but also just like the kind of person I am, the man that I become, I owe exclusively to digging inside to the difficult parts and and to, you know, just you take them to pumice stone and so on against those traumatic moments and the tragedies that we all face and learning from them and opening them up.

Corey Croft

Well, I can tell you I have quite a few. But the author that got me into writing, like the one that kind of pushed me further to be like, okay, this is why I want to write like, things. There's influences that make us do something or that change us. So provide like a, you know, a southerly wind into our sails, make us dig. Oh, I want to do this kind of thing. But the author got me like that. Absolutely. You know, touched me into this, into the soul was Dostoyevsky. That book was Crime and Punishment, and I was reading it on a megabus going from Montreal to Toronto. And, there was just like, that was the moment when I realized, like, that was the moment when I stopped looking at things and let things kind of, like, permeate into me and touch my heart.

Corey Croft

I tend I treat it like, I read what was it? I think it was Stephen King's on on on writing. Yeah. So I really I took in some of those lessons. So I treat writing like the job. So for me, like on the days that I have to work because I work nights, I will tend to get up and do my, the morning routine train and whatnot and then come home, shower, put on a pair of pads, make sure you're always fully dressed when you sit down to work right. You don't just go to work, you know. You know your bed, you know? So like, I tend to come back and then start like, prepare food and then so I'll work, I'll break for lunch, and then I'll keep working and then I'll go to work, or I'll treat it like an eight hour work day on my days off. Oh, wow. Same kind of thing. Lunch break and that kind of stuff. But so usually during the day, because it burns me out. And by the night, I'm, I'm about I have about the, I have about the same attention span spinal cord as a jellyfish. So I'm just. Oh, and you see, if anyone wants to have any serious conversations, it's probably just going to end up, you know, poking a blob with a, with a stick, you know? But I also really like writing at night if I get the opportunity, if I do, something happens and I it's it's fine. It feels like it almost feels like rebellious to just. Yeah. Oh, how long this can last. Are we going to be up to four in the morning? That's fun. Holy shit.

Corey Croft

Yeah. Goodness. There's a few I got. I got a couple. I hate it when. Okay, so thus far, anytime I've written a novel or something with serious stakes, not just like, you know, some a fun short story or an absurd little piece.

Corey Croft

My main characters are always men. They don't have to have any. I oftentimes like withholding ethnic and age and and ascribe traits from the audience. Like it's just this character exists. Fill them with what you want, I love that.

Corey Croft

I refuse, not refuse. I just haven't found the proper way to write a female lead character for a couple reasons. One, because I feel like, a lady could do that better than me. More genuine, more authentic. It's their voice. And two, because a lot of the times when women write men and women, probably more so, it just comes off is so base and and just and and superficial almost to like I read a book by an author who I really love who had a female lead. It was a female lead, you know, protagonist. But if I was a I feel I was reading it as like a pretty open minded, you know, fella. And but if I was a lady reading that book. Come on, grandpa, like, is that really what you think we do?

Corey Croft

Yeah. A character, a situation that you don't really have first hand experience is, is is can be good, but it can also end up just character. You can you can taste that lack of authenticity in it. And it's just like what you could have made is something else. You you could have made it more even. You could have been more indifferent or or not given so much light. I don't know, like certain things that stereotypical things that men and women do have and, and then, you know.

Corey Croft

I hate it when I, when I start reading something and they describe like a woman's physical beauty first. And I see that in a lot of scripts too. Like Diane was a blond bombshell, 3420 whatever. You know, when she walks in the room all eyes stared at her, you know, sexuality dripped off her like, oh, like all this shit. I'm just like, we can do better. I, I was having a conversation with, with a homeboy of mine, and he's like, he's a he's a he's a black dude. And he's just like, why are we always why are we always candy? Why are we always flavors like, why can't it just be like, you know, so this is, you know, had the had the, had the, had the base of a tree, you know, was always going to be chocolate or caramel. Does it allege or keep, you know, that kind of thing.

Corey Croft

Sure. Yeah. And the other thing, but here's the thing though, is like I have a two rules. One is that if I'm going to describe, I used to have this pawnshops, you know, I used to have this bad habit. My mom called me on it because she reads a lot of my work. She looks like she's like, well, she's like, I love how you describe things. But sometimes, like, I don't need to know, like, you know, it's taste, touch, smell, you know, like all this stuff. So she was dead, right? So what I started doing was picking. Sometimes you need to like, give everyone the universal or holistic kind of, scent. But sometimes you can get away with using one, maybe two scents, like how to feel, how to touch, like, you know, what was the air like, you know, was it heavy? Would it smell? You don't need to say that. Like, you know, you don't need to talk about the sconces all the time to give one feature that kind of demonstrates what you're trying to say is to show, not tell, that being said, I love the way some authors tell. Like, they're just so cool. They have such a swag about them. You know, they're just like their style monsters. So those when you think that you when you confidently can say, like, I can tell this in a way that is captivating, go for it. You know, take the risk, because otherwise you're just going to have a whole bunch of people chattering their teeth, you know, a whole book. It's used to show you that it's cold. Sometimes you just got to say, you know, it's cold or like certain things.

Corey Croft

Yeah.

Corey Croft

My first thing I would have to say is just you're not too good for anything. You're not like, leave the ego at the door, let it shrivel up and die on the vine. Get swept away by someone's shoulders. They pass by it, you know, towards the manor at night. It's late for an artist, especially nowadays. It really doesn't behoove you to to have any. You have to have self esteem. You have to have self belief. But anything that comes your way, anything that pops in your head, you should do, there's no idea. It's too small, there's no creator to work with or to answer that's too small. But it's to me, one of the things that I had to do, learn to do, was to digest the fact that, you know, might not happen, or it might take forever to happen. And it's success. And overnight, no matter how good you think you are. So I think your expectation levels, I suppose, have to go in stride with, you know, expectation levels and the ego have to be really you know, genuflect to reality, you know, like and that's, that's the big one for me. And the other thing for authors that I hear all the time, like, so I, you know, I meet a lot of people and they hear I'm an author and everyone's got a great idea, you know, like, like someone I know used to have, but no one has the time. And then I don't I would never tell someone, hey, why don't you take inventory about how often you you do school or you do certain things, but the reality is you do have time. You just have to have the heart. You have to have the, you know, the will and the soul to to to purge and to to care. You know, it's all it's about how much you care to tell that story.

Corey Croft

Yeah, yeah. Okay. So here's how my route is dictated I live in the West End, so I live, if you're familiar with the geography of Vancouver, I live at the top of the hill in the West End before it goes in the old town. Basically, I live by the only gas station in downtown Vancouver. Okay, so my route is to walk down my street, which I won't say. Yeah, but I walk down my street and I know for a fact it about 500m, maybe a little more. Not quite. At the beach, there's, there's a bench, and that bench receives a, like, a perfect beam of light that you can read a book under that orange light where it kind of makes everything fuzzy and soft.

Corey Croft

Yeah. So I, I'm, at this point in time, who knows? Maybe the next time I see I smoke cigarets. So when I read, I like to, I like to grab a coffee. It's, you know, after a, you know, grab a soda water and then go down and read a little bit, smoke a couple times. So I know that there's benches outdoors. I know it's well lit. And I know if someone's sitting there when I pass by, then I'm probably going to have to go for another walk around the block. But I do that. And then I come up another street, which is really, really quiet. But you can still kind of hear the water, you know, headphones. And that's my that would be my like my, my summertime block candle in the, in the rain. Like you can't read because your book is right, right.

Corey Croft

Pages. And let them go, Snoopy. So, you know, let us go to Snoopy. Is that is it just like, just let it sleep on the roof, you know what I mean? I, no, I, I use a bookmark, I and I, I use a bookmark, but I dog your pages with things, with it, with bangers, with, like, great quotes.

Corey Croft

Okay. With, like, with the stuff that I want to come back to later, I rarely do. So there's a bunch of books that are just all like that, but not like I hope people dog you the hell out of my book, you know, I hope they tear pages out and, like, glue them on the wall, you know?

Corey Croft

Yeah. Like, that's I definitely do the same thing. I definitely they need wheelchairs when I'm done, you know, just just for them and getting all kinds of positions.

Corey Croft

I just don't understand why you'd be. I mean, unless it's an antique.

Corey Croft

Yeah, but, like, I prefer something lived in, like, I don't, you know?

Corey Croft

Oh, let them get a little broken and let them get a little broken glass. So it's some personality.

Corey Croft

So I have other don't worry. I have other places I walk you. Also, I'm not a fan of the sun, so that's why I wait till dark. I'm not exactly, not exactly bronze unum.

Corey Croft

But, so I was walking the other day. I have, I have a, I have a wintertime spot. It's outside of a cafe, and it's like this. There's an over there's an awning overhang. All right. And, I was thinking the other day like, okay, what what worried what worries me mostly is like that we are we we really like easy answers. We really like, you know, quick solutions to hard problems, right? Like, we're more than willing to accept, even though information and limited information is at your fingertips, it can either be corrupted or someone's saying, oh, that's a valuable service. Like sold. Like no one does their own investigation or research. The reason why I think that when if people someone if if a trusted source, I'm doing the finger thing that I, tells us what's wrong with us or let's or gives us an answer that allows us to skirt, taking, taking on blame. We're more than willing to do it. Someone else's fault, so-and-so said. So boom. You know, I'm not, I'm not. I'm this, you know, I'm free of guilt. What worries me is like, the way that it's done is just so affronted. And one of the movies that, like, it's not one of my favorite movies, but one of the scenes that I always come back to is that, yeah, everyone's seen The Matrix, where people are in the the pods. I think that it would go from like, you know, my parents generation to be like, I'm not getting in a pod. What are you stupid to like? Are is being like, na like that's not right. And then the next one's being like, well, I guess it makes sense. Like when there's nothing much better to do and like, I do need to kind of a battery for my head to keep scrolling. And the next ones are it's just going to be like, well, yeah, there's no jobs, there's no this. I'm just going to hop right in. So I just wish that like, I'm not it's not like a Walden to Henry Thoreau returning to the state of nature. Let's all go fishing in Massachusetts kind of thing.

Corey Croft

Yeah, sure. So this is one of those things how to find your own if you don't go out.

Corey Croft

Oh the freaks make up the world. You know, that's I mean without them like, everything would just be like, you know, was that Stepford Wives? Yeah. Rich. Yeah. You know, everybody mowing their lawn at the same time in the same direction, then. Hello, Fred. Hello, Fred. Hello, Fred. You know, I mean, totally, yeah.

Corey Croft

Oh. I guess there's, in all honesty, what keeps me going a lot of the days. Because the anxiety and depression still, still is a bear trap around my ankle. One of the things that keeps me going, and it's me out of bed in the morning, aside from a mechanical routine, is the fact that I still have stories in my head that I want to write. And they're good ones to me, like they're to me. I mean, to me. I have to be good each year. It depends. One day, if you're I feel like a lot of artist share, this is like one day you're the ship and you're the you're the you know, you're the head person in charge. And the next day you're the worst in the world and you don't deserve to live. And that's the there's no middle ground where it's just like, I'm okay. Like I'm fine. Like, no, like I'm I'm as moody as the rest of them, you know? But to me, there's like, I have stories. So I have a series. There's a first part of the series. Okay. And only one has been released, but I have written eight of them and it's going to be ten. So I want to finish that. And then I have other ideas for big stories and smaller ideas for things that I did. I feel I don't feel like it's like it's God's duty. You know, it's not a mujahedeen trying to get my ideas out. You know, it's more just like I just it's it it's it's fascinating. It's challenging. It's fun. It's the connective tissue between me and the world. And to sever that would be to watch the planet float away like, you know, leaf on a lake. So to me that it's the, it's that keeps me going. It's the desire to create and to unburden myself of, you know, the the gym and the demons kind of float around. Maybe one day will be normal, you know, who knows?

Corey Croft

There you go. Yeah, yeah. Oh. That's lovely. What's the weirdest thing you've ever done that you'll talk about, Weirdest thing, I feel I see, I don't know, I feel like some of the things that I do on a daily basis, if I mention them to people like, you know, people who don't know me, they find that weird. What is the weirdest thing? I don't know, I don't really it's it's kind of like, Shoot. I had to come back. That's all right. There wasn't. There will be a well. I, Okay, it's not super weird, but, like, it's it's something unique to me. I can't not finish a book. I can't not finish a movie. I can't not finish a series of someone, you know, like someone traces the blade across my neck. Yeah, I've read and watched some of the most terrible things that I've. That no person should ever have to suffer through. Because I refuse to abandon my cause. It's it's a sense of completion to me. I don't know what it is, but I'm reading a book right now and I'm trying to hustle through it as quick as possible. I thought it was going to be good. I've never read the author. It's a very famous author, but it's not a famous book. And, it's it's I'm it's so bad. Right. I'm after I, I'm going to I'm going to try and have two little reading sessions today just to try and speed it along because it's so awful.

Corey Croft

It's like, well, so it's Henry Miller, right? So the author of Chop Can't Stop and I don't know anything about him. I just know the name. And it's kind of a cool name. And I've read Arthur Miller plays, so like, hey, why not another Miller? So I don't I didn't realize, like, he was really popular a couple years ago for wrong reasons. Like, I'm just kind of like, oh, that's another thing. So what's weird about me is I don't follow the news and I don't really, I don't. So like a friend of mine called me out on, like, how can you be someone who's in the arts and not follow the news? And I said, well, because I want to live to be in the arts, and if I follow the news, I'd probably just you know, dip my feet in concrete and walk into the ocean. Yeah. So this book, though, it says on the back, is this as a salesperson, like I'm covered for this video. Like I bought it in Edinburgh for 2 pound to quit this day. So like I'm like, okay, so it's a collection of short stories that was that was hidden and he was paid a dollar a page by some gentleman and. Yeah, but why not? Like, this is the best book. You just grab something you've never read before. So the person who paid him for that book was, was a pornographer, and he wanted him to write the most depraved and filthy things that you can imagine. Fine by me. Whatever. I have no problem with that. You want to go with any of the allergies? Like I got no issue with that. Like, who cares? Like, I'm. I'm a weird guy, and, there's no story, though. The book opens up with, like, something I'm not. I'll save your audience if you want to go read it. Go for it. Shouldn't be hard to find with a little Google search, but, like, it's just there's no story. And it's so, like, self-flagellating, it's like, here's I always, you know, it's funny, like with guys, it's funny if you can like be self-deprecating sexually is hilarious. It's it's always going to be funny when you undersell yourself, but in like a comedic way. You're boasting, to the sun in a rocket with you. So like, that's all it is, is basically like, I don't know, it almost. It's like a really well-spoken, like really eloquent, like, high school student, you know, just being like your war, you know, between, like, gnashing on gum with his hat backwards and a little top of the front, like, God.

Corey Croft

I would say, I mean, part of me wants to say, look, before you leave, when I say look, I mean, really look inside of yourself. Make sure that you have the fortitude to deal with rejection and failure and loss and having your spaceship banged in Dubai, a million asteroids and setting you off course and not knowing where you are in the dark space. But don't. But why bother looking? That's part of the fun of going into a jungle that we know with just without a machete. I think what would what might help them? What helps people help me is to again, as diminish the ego as much as possible and just love what you do, just really look, I mean, it's hard to in this these days. Like, there's no like, patrons, like they're wearing, like, you know, goggles and their days where it's just like you're talented, stay home. Right. And like, here's bread. Yeah, well, we all have to work. We have to make our bread. You know, when and I think that it's. You have to wear masks in this day and age, no matter what, you can't just walk out of the house and shabby, you know, wears and, you know, not expect to, you know, contribute to society, at least in a way that keeps a roof over your head. But I think, for me at least, is when I let my passion, when I let writing, when I let storytelling and poetry, you know, just fully take me over and drown me, you know, I don't I can it's not that you can breathe underwater, but it's as they say, like before you dive, you know, from drowning, you experience this moment of clarity. And it's like a very peaceful feeling where you just become totally agreeable and accept the situation. And and to me, when you let you know you're what you are in love with what you love, you know, basically, like, you know, you know, put a hatchet in you and walk away. You know, that feeling of clarity is achieved, that feeling of challenging, that feeling of, you know, when you when I was in university, I was fine. When I was in university, I'd have to worry about the future. I just knew I was building towards something. And then when I was done, there's this for me at least. There's like this bleakness that comes with it after a little bit and like, okay, so I did this and now what am I doing to get better? Like I'm in the working world, like scary. So you go back to school and you buy yourself some more time to meet, having a consistent, you know, cycle of creation. And that kind of makes every season feel like you're trying to accomplish something or you're working towards something. And even if it's not monetary and even if it if it's if it's vain or not vain or if it's something you want to legacy or you want to change the world, or you want to communicate with people, you want your voice to carry further than it could if you had a megaphone. You know, there's if you doesn't add any reason, but if you keep the passion center, if you're if you keep the art at the at the lead, you know, and the flying the then it will even if it leads you, you know, off a cliff, you'll have, you know, gone off that cliff. That for for love. For a good reason, So just just keep keep the keep. And that's a good way to also test if you're ready for the life of, again, all those ups and downs that come with being an artist now, because you might go into an a normal guy, like someone who went and, you know, walked into the and, you know, being like, hello guys. I'm Fred and you might never come out of the jungle. You might never, you might, you might come back a completely different person, you know, getting all lieutenant band. So it depends you.

Corey Croft

Thank you for having me. I feel like I, I feel like I, I feel like I was just motor mouth from that. Like I appreciate having me on so good. I can't wait to listen to this again and again and again. And we'll get some of those other subtle references that you kept peppering in there. So I appreciate that. I don't even know what they were.